Watching the birds at my bird feeder the other day, it was quite clear from the way they puffed out their chests and strutted around that they were auditioning for a title role in some future Birder Murder Mystery. For the benefit of these avian aspirants, I’d thought I would run through the characteristics I look for in a leading bird.

The spotlight shines on the magician’s stage. In the box lies a lady, her torso sliced in two by a shiny, razor-sharp blade. In the audience, breathing stops. Beads of sweat trickle down temples, palm are damp. Can she have survived her ordeal? Is she still alive? Suddenly, the magician speaks: “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m afraid you’ll just have to wait a while before you find out what happened.”